The Innisfree Poetry Journal 
		www.innisfreepoetry.org 
     by Bernard Jankowski 
     
  
     
      AFTER TOMMY'S MOM LEFT HER NOTE
  of simple eternal truth to her husband, "I couldn't live with you and  I couldn't live without you,"
  and ended it in the traditional suburban way: alone in the garage  with the family station wagon  spilling exhaust,
  Tommy threw his soul  into basketball.
  He wasn't tall or quick or talented, so he sagely focused  on the one part of the game you can control with your will: defense.
  He spent the afternoons perfecting his defensive slide,  palms up, eyes focused,  shuffling like a possessed crab  up and down the neighborhood streets,
  defending imaginary players, shutting down the ghosts.  
  LOUIE, THE HUNGARIAN CHEF, HURLED THE PLATE
  like a Frisbee, six inches from my head, it smashed against the wall. He had caught me daydreaming again, as the piles of dirty plates rose on the shiny silver countertop.
  I was 13, barely 5 feet tall, and had been washing pots  at the country club for a few months, tucked in the back corner of the kitchen with the yellowed wall tiles, where the cooks tossed the huge pots  crusted with minestrone and chili. I had proved my mettle in that corner of steam and soap and grime  and had graduated to washing dishes a few nights  out in the bright lights of the general kitchen.
  My first day on the job  Louie handed me a scalding pan, "Here pot-washer, take this." As my hand blistered and  my face writhed in pain, he walked off proud and laughing, "Now you know."
  Once, a tall stack of plates slipped from my hands. The concentrated crash  on the tile floor  spilled into the dining room, the bustle of the kitchen froze, waiters and waitresses, line cooks, salad chefs, they all looked at Louie who glared at me, picked up his butcher knife, until Thomas, my co-dishwasher, a visiting student from Liberia, stepped in and wagged his finger,
  "No, Louie, No."
  Louie held firm for a minute, then waved his knife with a flourish, "clean it up, you little twerp, quick."                       ***
  After all the cooks left, Thomas and I were left  to clean up and close the kitchen.  Just us and the night manager, who was into his fourth stiff Bourbon, taking deep thoughtful drags on his cigarettes  alone in the darkness at the bar.
  Thomas grabbed his broomstick and said,  "You see this stick young man?  I am that hard, brother, that hard my young buck." He held the broomstick like a mic, "One day, after I get my diploma and return to Liberia,  I will stand before thousands  and call out, My people! My people!  It is time for King Louie to come down!"
  "My people! My people!" Thomas continued his chant, as he cradled the broom like a bride, slipping and waltzing across the freshly mopped floors.
    THE AIR IS LATE NOVEMBER THIN
  our knees pump up and down, chest-high, all of us boys  in a circle around Chuckie.
  We grunt in unison at the bottom of each fourth step,  our toes frozen inside stiff cleats,  pounding on the rock hard dirt  of our worn-out practice field. 
  Coach waves his hands in the air, paces,  rants, "Chuckie's Ready Today! Who wants Chuckie?! Who can handle Chuckie Boy?!" Taunts us 85 pounders  to leap into the circle  with the growling, wild-eyed, transformed Charles Cosimano.
  Already Chuckie leveled Donnell, sent him to the sidelines. I hear him  try to contain his whimpers,  as he clutches his newly separated shoulder.
  "Do you boys want it?!  To play for the best God-damned team in Pennsylvania!? Who wants to be a real Tornado?! Holmes!" Coach calls out and Holmes,  all 73 pounds of him, leaps forward  into Chuckie's space.  Chuckie wheels and lays him out clean,  shoulder to shoulder,  then grunts over the fallen Holmes,  "eeh, eeh," and beckons for another.
  All of us boys  in a man's lottery now. Our breath tight, the light fading,  forced to face those deep-down first fears, the ones you use to step up and hit.
    COACH ZOULIAS STOOD IN THE SNOW
  beneath the flickering Shell Gasoline sign  off Route 15 just north of Mechanicsburg as the bus pulled up and the doors swung open. He bounded onto the bus with the same energy as when, as our assistant coach, he got in his stance and barked out "Defense!"  which was as dear to his heart  as the pursuit of happiness was to Jefferson.
  We stopped to pick up Coach Zoulias on our way into the darkness  to play in Allentown or Haverford or Bethlehem or Elizabethtown. To play our rugged Division III opponent: Moravian or Ursinsus or Muhlenberg or Frankin and Marshall. Division III basketball, where the guards were decent, the forwards average, and the thick-thighed big men clumsy  with five count 'em five hard fouls to give.
  The snow kept coming and soon  we would pull into town in the darkness. Coach Ober's efforts at changing our routine --no pregame meal, a big pregame meal, take a cold shower when we arrived-- never bore fruit.
  We'd exit with our tails between our legs, me sitting next to the 6 foot 8 inch Al Fultz, his bony knee jabbing directly into my thigh, with a couple guys in the back sneaking a joint in the bathroom  while the coaches slept up front.
  Nothing to dream on, the road indecipherable out the window through the ticks of sleet and snow,  a blur of lost neon now and again, until we were down from the mountains and through Harrisburg or York into the blank silent fields of southern Pennsylvania.
  We usually played so poorly the coaches  wouldn't stop for burgers, so we'd pull back into Westminster at 2 a.m.  Nothing was open, a few beers in the fridge,  maybe a stick of pepperoni. We'd bitch about the loss the trip the coach the refs  and pass out before dawn.
  Wake to hit classes and then practice the next afternoon, where Coach Zoulias would get down into his stance and say, "Defense! Defense! You guys don't play defense!"
   "It's all in your head!" Coach Ober would chime in. "What are you playing for anyway?" 
  Coach used to ask us.
  
   
   
   
     
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